Suka Diuwongke, Tapi Gak Mau Nguwongke? Cermin Diri di Warung Kopi

(Like to be Respected, But Don’t Respect Others? A Self-Reflection at the Coffee Shop)

Introduction

Ah, the warung kopi. The quintessential Indonesian gathering spot. It’s where the aroma of kopi tubruk mingles with the chatter of friends, the clatter of dominoes, and the murmurs of gossip. It’s a microcosm of Indonesian society, a place where laughter and debates flow freely, and where the concept of “diuwongke” is often put to the test. We all love to be treated with respect, to be acknowledged and valued. But how often do we extend that same courtesy to others? As we sip our strong coffee, let’s reflect on this question: “Suka diuwongke, tapi gak mau nguwongke?” (Like to be respected, but don’t respect others?)

1. The Warung Kopi Mirror

Imagine a typical scene at your local warung kopi. A group of friends huddled around a table, sharing stories and jokes. A lone figure engrossed in a newspaper, occasionally glancing up to observe the lively scene. A couple whispering sweet nothings in the corner. The warung kopi is a melting pot of personalities, a stage where human interactions unfold in all their complexity.

Observe the dynamics at play. Do you see people interrupting each other, their voices rising in excitement or disagreement? Are there those who dominate the conversation, dismissing the opinions of others with a wave of their hand? Or do you witness genuine listening, where individuals lean in, eyes locked, truly absorbing the words of their companions?

The warung kopi is a mirror reflecting our collective habits. It reveals how we engage with each other, how we show (or fail to show) respect. Sometimes, it’s a hilarious comedy show, with characters vying for attention and delivering witty punchlines. Other times, it’s a poignant drama, where misunderstandings and hurt feelings simmer beneath the surface.

Remember that time when Pak Budi, the neighborhood know-it-all, held court at his usual table, pontificating on everything from politics to football, barely letting anyone else get a word in edgewise? Or when Ibu Ani, the gossip queen, spread rumors faster than the aroma of freshly brewed coffee? These are the moments that make us chuckle, but also prompt us to examine our own behavior. Are we guilty of similar transgressions?

2. Understanding “Nguwongke”: Beyond Politeness

“Nguwongke” is often translated as “respect,” but it’s much more than just saying “please” and “thank you.” It’s about recognizing the inherent dignity and worth of every human being, regardless of their social status, background, or beliefs. It’s about treating others with empathy, compassion, and consideration.

This concept is deeply rooted in Indonesian culture. Think of gotong royong, the spirit of cooperation and mutual assistance. Or musyawarah, the practice of deliberating together to reach a consensus. These values emphasize the importance of harmony and respecting diverse perspectives.

“Nguwongke” also involves “rasa,” that intuitive feeling that allows us to connect with others on an emotional level. It’s about understanding their joys and sorrows, their hopes and fears. It’s about being present and attentive, truly listening to what they have to say.

And let’s not forget the importance of “andhap asor” (humility). True “nguwongke” comes from a place of humility, recognizing that we are all interconnected and that no one is superior to another. It’s about setting aside our ego and approaching others with an open heart and mind.

3. The “Cermin Diri” (Self-Reflection) Challenge

Now, let’s turn the mirror inward. Take a moment to reflect on your own interactions. Have there been times when you interrupted someone mid-sentence, eager to share your own thoughts? Have you ever dismissed someone’s opinion without truly considering their perspective? Have you treated everyone with the same level of respect, regardless of their position or background?

I remember a time when I was so engrossed in a conversation with a friend that I completely ignored the waiter trying to take our order. I felt embarrassed and ashamed when I realized my mistake. It was a valuable lesson in “nguwongke.”

To help you on your journey of self-reflection, here are three questions to ponder:

• Do I truly listen, or just wait to speak?
• Do I acknowledge others’ contributions?
• Do I treat everyone with equal respect?

Be honest with yourself. It’s okay to admit that you haven’t always been perfect. In fact, recognizing our shortcomings is the first step towards growth and improvement. As the saying goes, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, ¹ whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph ² of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall ³ never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ⁴